Crazy Hair Day

Alex was in desperate need of a haircut which made it perfect for the day. He wouldn't let us pick it and turn it into an afro so we decided on lots of elastics.

Preschool Party

Logan loved his first school Halloween experience. Part of that may have been that he was the captain, which also meant he got to bring the treat. The first treat we attempted didn't turn out but I think the one we ended up taking was pretty fun.

The monster fingers

Pumpkin Walk

The boys and I headed out on a cold, rainy day to see the Pumpkin Walk. This is an activity we look forward to every year. The boys love seeing the fun things that you can do with pumpkins and I love to see how creative and talented people are. It is a great activity to get you into the fall and Halloween spirit.


Welcome to Pumpkin Land

A boy's favorite toys

Mom's favorite

Alex's favorite

"Are you a good witch or a bad witch?"

Logan as Bob

"You've got a friend in me"

Happy Halloween Emma

We were in Provo for a missionary homecoming so we decided to take some pumpkins to Emma for Halloween. Despite being super rainy and cold we were all glad to spend some time with her. We miss you baby girl!!!

Football Saturday

Andy's brother works for the U and was nice enough to get us some tickets for the game. Andy's family has season tickets to BYU so we decided to split the family up and go our separate ways. Logan I went to the U game versus Colorado State while Andy and Alex went to the BYU game versus Wyoming.
We had invited my sister in law and niece to join us. It was a cold and rainy day and we weren't sure we were going to go. The skies cleared and so we headed up to the U. While we were waiting for my sister-in-law the skies opened up again and dumped on us. We decided to tough it out and figured we would leave at the half if it got too bad. The skies cleared at the half and we even got a beautiful rainbow. The Utes creamed Colorado State and we all had a lot of fun.

Waiting for the train in his way too big poncho

All bundled up and ready for some FOOTBALL!!

Jen and Leah in their "resourceful ponchos"

A beautiful rainbow

Hot chocolate cures everything

Logan and Leah

Mom and Logan

Jen and Leah after the storm

Crazy Logan

On the way home

Pumpkin Patch

We love going to the pumpkin patch and getting our pumpkins. This year we were taking pumpkins to Emma so we decided just to go while we were in Salt Lake. We got their right at dusk and right before they closed so we had to hurry. I think everyone got what they wanted.

Logan's pick

Alex's pick

All my boys

One Month

It has been one month since I held Emma. I want to say it is getting easier but I am not sure if that is right. I think I am getting use to the constant ache. Logan saw a baby at church on Sunday and said he wanted a baby like that at our house. That honestly made my heart hurt, like I had let him down in a way. Then last night as we were going to bed he said he missed baby Emma. I am glad my boys talk about her because I know they will remember her.
We are going to the cemetery this weekend to take her pumpkins for Halloween. I so wish that I could have her here to dress up like a little lady bug or something cutesy.
I ask the question daily why me? It doesn't make sense and it doesn't seem fair. Life isn't suppose to be like this. Old people are suppose to die not tiny, helpless babies. A friend of mine gave me an awesome book that has really brought me comfort. A paragraph out of that says, "Babies symbolize life, innocence, and unconditional love. To associate a baby with death goes completely against all expectations. Babies, the beginning of life, should not enter the world at what is seemingly the end. No parent, looking forward to receiving and nourishing a new life, can be prepared for that rapid, harsh change of direction- the burial of their baby. While preparing to give life, no one prepares to say goodbye." That pretty much sums up how I have felt for a month. I should be picking out cute dresses for her not a headstone. Someday I will understand but for now I just need to trust in a loving Heavenly Father that He knows best and that his promises are sure. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all ways acknowledge him and he shall direct they paths."

10 Years

I remember thinking when we got married about how different everything would be in 10years. We would be established and we could do something fabulous, like a cruise for our 10 year anniversary. Well when I found out I was pregnant I knew the big plans (which hadn't developed at that point) would be out the window. I thought we maybe could go back to San Diego for the weekend or something. Then with life as we knew it crashing around us I didn't really want to do anything. Thanksfully, I had a great friend give us a gift card to Sherwood Hills and grandparents offer to take the boys for the weekend. It was a much needed break to spend some quality 1-1 with my hubby. It was nice to not have any distractions and truly talk about how we felt. I am so grateful to my awesome husband for 10 great years. I can honestly say it hasn't been the fairy tale I pictured when we were first married but I think in a way it has been better. We have truly walked the trail together and faced everything together. I would not have picked anyone different to do that with. Thanks Andy for 10 great years and an eternity more!!!

We hiked and found beautiful fall leaves everywhere

The happy couple

Pondering the wonders of the universe

This is the view from our window

(And just to clear things up. That is Martinelli's)

Logan

I have no idea what he is doing in this picture but this is classic Logan. We had mohawked his hair since it was so long. We said let's take a picture and this is what we got.He adds quite a crazy dimension to our house and we love him for it.

My handsome boys

I took the boys to get their annual pictures done. I didn't like the way the one with the 2 of them turned out so we waited for a better day. I love when the pictures in your head actual match with what you get. It also helps when you have such darling models.

Emma's Challenge

A few days before we lost Emma I had started reading the Book of Mormon again. I used this tool to make it so I had the book read by my due date of Jan 14th. Last night as I was reading I felt that I should put this challenge out to all of my blog readers. I know that this book has a tremendous power and can really bring the Spirit more abundantly in our lives. I definitely need this right now. Anyone is welcome to join this challenge that needs a booster shot of the Spirit. Happy reading!!

Fall Festival

In between conference sessions we decided to head out to the Heritage Center for their fall festival. We had never been before and realized it was probably better to go at night but we still had a lot of fun. The boys loved the hay slide and the corn maze. I am not a fan of tight spaces and I had quite the panic attack being in the corn maze. I think I may have over done it just a bit that day because my whole body hurt. I forget that I have to recover from labor and birth. It was nice to be together as a family having fun.

Streets of Heaven

This song was given to me on a CD from a dear friend. It makes me cry every time I listen to it. Be prepared with Kleenexes if you listen to it.

Don't Know what you got 'til it's gone

I need to vent!!! This post is mostly just for me so I can copy this over to my journal. It is my own pity party so you have been warned if you proceed.
I didn't realize how badly I wanted a girl until I lost mine. It is nice having the gospel knowledge that I will have her again. However, in this life I wll never get to do girl things with her. I will never buy her her first Barbie or her first dollhouse. I won't get to design her blessing gown like I wanted. The biggest thing I am going to miss is watching her daddy fall in love with her. He is a great dad to boys but I know Emma would have been his princess. She would have had him wrapped around her little finger. And it hurts to know that I won't get those opportunities in this life. It is easy to say why me and I know that does me no good but I still want to scream it. Why can't I have the opportunity on this Earth to raise Emma?