I am truly struggling with how to deal with my grief and not bruden others with it. My blog is where I have always gone to express myself as it is my journal. I am very bad at writing in an actual journal but I am always in front of my computer so it is easier to reach for my keyboard over a pen. Here is where my dilemma comes in: I want so bad to say what is in my heart. I want to be able to express tha pain of my loss hoping that it helps others going through this feel normal. At the same time I don't want others to stop reading my blog because it is so depressing. I am almost caught up with my before Emma life so hopefully it will be fun sprinkled in with sadness posts so hopefully it will be a partly cloudy blog.
I feel a lot like Eeyore lately with a constant cloud over my head. Last night as I was crying over the headstone book Logan came downstairs. He asked me, "Do you love baby Emma?" I answered yes I did and his cute little self then said, "why are you crying?" It made me smile. I am glad for my boys because they truly are my rainbows. So back to my dillema. Do I start a new private blog just to share my sadness and woes so others don't have to deal with it or do I continue posting it here and figure if people don't want to read it they don't have to? I never knew grief was so complicated.
Friday, November 5, 2010
My Dilemma
Posted by A & M Ras at 5:18 PM
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6 comments:
I doubt anybody will quit reading just because things get a little depressing around here once in a while...we love you too much! You NEED to share here, at least once in a while. It's important for people to remember that your heart is still hurting (REALLY hurting). This is where you are in life right now and it's perfectly acceptable to share the ups and downs.
That being said, I've got a little blog that I've dedicated to writing my feelings about Zoey that I really don't share with anybody else. Sometimes I just feel the need to hash out the reall miserable parts of grieving a child and that's a safe place where I can do it and not worry that everyone is going to worry about me. I write things in complete honesty and not worry about how others will take it. It's a nice little refuge for me. Maybe you could do something similar.
I've got a little pick-me-up package in the works for you that will hopefully be ready to send out in the next couple of weeks. I've not been the best about picking up the phone and just checking in, but know that I do think about you and pray for you daily.
Your honesty is refreshing and such an example. Express yourself, that is what your blog is for. Plus, the people who read your blog care about YOU and how YOU are doing. Please don't censor yourself, you are amazing! have I mentioned that we REALLY need to meet!
oh, marissa. i echo what jenn and annie have said. you must to deal with and face your grief and often that requires sharing and offloading your emotional baggage. and, let's face it, this is still a very fresh and very real wound.
if you don't feel like you can share it on this blog create a marissa only blog and share there. i have one that is just for me and no one but i can see/read it and that is where i unload in a very uncensored/un-edited way (not that it's R rated, just personal). i find that it's very helpful on stressful and emotional days. or just days i want to note spiritual stuff that is too personal for a public blog. anywho. just a thought.
love, prayers, and thoughts,
-j
Honestly I dont find it depressing. I think it actually gives us all more to think about, more ways to look at life and more to be thankful for. I think thats what journals are for, to be able to express ourselves and when others read them, hopefully they will learn from our experiences. So....please continue, so I can become a better person, because of you ;)
AFTER THOUGHT.....
"I Hope You Dance"
maybe little Emma is up there singing it to you ;)
Thanks to all of you for your words and support!!! After reading them I figured I would write here and not post it. Then every week I would take my journal (thanks Jenn) and copy what I wrote in there. That way I am unloading but not overdoing it on my blog.
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