I found this story on my computer today as I was clearing out the junk that has accumulated. I saw this on a support group blog right after we found out Logan would be born with a cleft. I remember bawling as I read this poem and I shared it with a few others who I felt could relate. I do want to preface it with a few statements though. First, I don't now nor have I ever viewed my child as being disabled. Second, this story can apply to anyone who has had the pleasure of going down a different path then they had planned. Third, be prepared with Kleenexes in hand because you will tear up at this. I have to include a picture of "Holland" to this.
Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley.
"I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...........
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip ¬ to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands.
The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland. "Holland?!?" You say. "What do you mean Holland?!? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place. So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills ...... and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away..... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But....... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things...... about Holland. "
Monday, April 20, 2009
Welcome to Holland!!!
Posted by A & M Ras at 4:08 PM
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6 comments:
This has been a favorite of mine for many years. It relates to a lot of experiences in parenting!
I really like that. Thanks for sharing.
What a great perspective!
We need to get together sometime and let the boys hang out. I'll call you tomorrow.
CUTE pic of your boys! Logan looks so grown up!
with a new one coming that is a great poem... Holland may be a great place to go... over italy right now anyway!!!
cute photo!!
Thanks for sharing that story. Like you said, it applies to many situations other than just having a child with a disability. I often try to remind myself to enjoy Holland more and worry less about all the people talking about Italy. Thanks for reminding me again.
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